Reality

Sometimes life sneaks up on you.  So quickly, in fact, that it doesn't seem real-- more like you're practicing for the future.

Context:

I graduated in April.  But I'm having a hard time believing it because I don't feel like this summer is any different from any other summer I've taken off from school so I could work.  Yes, I have a diploma hanging on my wall, but how is a single sheet of paper in a frame supposed to represent four years of work?  It just seems unreal that that framed piece of 8 1/2 x 11 paper means that I'm completely done with college.  And I feel like I should be planning out my schedule, just like I've done since 2006.

My hours are running out at work.  For some reason, it doesn't feel like I'll be leaving this job anytime soon.  I think it's because the job itself doesn't end.  When I worked at the Freedom Center, it really felt like the 10 weeks of camp were coming to a close because there was a date when we would all leave, and the camps wouldn't run anymore for the year.  We had fewer and fewer counselors and campers as the weeks rolled by, reminding us that it wouldn't last forever.  But I'm still doing work that will prepare my organization for changes that are years in the future, so it's strange to think that I won't even be here to see those changes happen.  Things are going to keep going after I leave, but I don't feel like I should be leaving at all!

The summer "break" is ending soon.  A month from now, Aaron will be getting ready for his next batch of classes to start.  His little brother will be starting college.  My coworkers will be starting classes again.  And this 90+ degree weather will stick around for a little while, but not for too long.  And we only went camping once!  And I only use the pool once a week!  I've read so little of my summer reading list!  And I haven't played tennis!  I only made a few scrapbook pages!  So many things I wanted to do, and it just hasn't happened.  What happened to May, and June, and JULY?


Maybe I'm just overthinking things, but I feel like so many things in my life are changing, and I don't know if I'm ready to make those changes.  It's crazy to think of where I was 5 years ago, even 2 years ago!  High school, getting ready for marching band camp and the football season to start, working at a coffee shop, hanging out with Tony and Matt and Ashley and tons of other people I don't ever see anymore.  Miller Apartments, living with Michelle, just starting work as a Computer Lab Assistant, single.

Crazy.  Reality hits you.